Meditation ~ The Ceiling I Can Not Shatter (On My Own)

I started praying a novena prayer to Pope St. Pius X, it included a line to receive communion "as often as I can."

I didn't think much of it at the time, but have noticed myself getting up in time for morning mass and feeling a desire to go.

Interestingly, what's changed isn't so much my going to daily mass. I've tried that before. In the past, I was able to summon my will power and get there. But I struggled with feeling like an "extra credit" Catholic. I thought the extra masses might be reinforcing spiritual pride, so I didn't go.

The beautiful thing about now, is that I'm able to go without thinking so much of myself. I can go and simply appreciate the beauty of the experience and what the Lord is doing for me.

Interestingly, no amount of me trying to go to daily mass could give me the grace of fruitful daily mass. Perhaps for the first time in my life, I experienced a sense of "ceiling" in what my own "good works" could do. People who are especially disciplined in the spiritual life can easily mistake grace for their own efforts. 

Sure, by own discipline I could keep showing up and maybe that would be better than not coming at all. But the increase in spiritual pride was really troublesome.

I was reminded that we depend upon the grace of God to do the right thing for the right reasons. On a deeper level, this is to say that we depend upon the grace of God to do good at all, for of what value is it to do good if we do it for a self-serving reason?

From this perspective, we can see how trapped we are if the grace of God does not purify our hearts. Apart from His help, we can only serve ourselves.