The answers to these questions is partly inscribed in our nature and circumstances. We will find that, based on our innate talents, personality, and the conditions of our upbringing, some things come more easily than others. As a result, certain things are what I like to call, “a good fit.”
In my own life, piano was “a good fit.” I had a naturally academic temperament and a love of beauty and the fine arts. My parents bought me a grand Steinway piano. I was given piano lessons from an early age. I had a terrible case of acne in my early teen years which caused me to withdraw socially and I preferred introverted activities. My ballet training gave me a natural feeling for music and I even have long fingers. Piano was a good fit.
Does that mean the piano was a perfect fit? No. Sometimes I wanted to get off the piano bench and be more social. Piano often made me feel isolated. It was frustrating to work hard learning music that most people don’t like to listen to or know anything about. Classical music education is filled with robotic kids and greedy parents, more hungry for awards than artistic enrichment. Further, the piano was hard. Recitals and competitions were extremely stressful. It was a major sacrifice to practice two hours every day on top of homework and I didn’t always enjoy making it. No, piano wasn’t a perfect fit.
But, looking back on it, piano was a good fit. When I weigh the pros and cons and honestly assess my natural gifts and the opportunities available to me, practicing the piano just made sense.
I think anyone of average ability and intelligence can be a pianist. Give anyone piano lessons, a nice piano, the structure and encouragement to practice, and—if that person practices—then, over time, they too can be a pianist. But does that mean everyone should try to be a pianist?
No.
I can see after working with several students over the years that, the piano is a good fit for some and others not so much. For some people, musical concepts come naturally. They like music and value musical ability. The sacrifice made to sit an instrument is challenging but not unduly burdensome. They don’t have to fight their nature. For others, that is not the case. When time and resources are limited, they would get more value for their effort applying themselves to something that comes more naturally. And, not everyone has access to a music education. Pianos and lessons are very expensive. Realistically, the best time to learn is when you are a kid and have the time to practice. Not everyone has those kinds of resources or support from parents to practice, in their childhood.
Up until now, everything I’ve said probably sounds like mere common sense. It is, yet common sense can be surprisingly uncommon. When we apply common sense to our larger life decisions, it can be tempting to resist it. In the long run, I believe we resist common sense, in all of its beautiful simplicity, because we can’t and won’t accept limitations. How dare anyone tell us we can’t be whatever we want, or do anything we want.
And, in fairnesses, making choices isn’t easy. We often find ourselves having to choose between good things. To choose one career path is to not enjoy another. To live in one location is to not enjoy the benefits of living in another. To marry one person is to not marry another. At every turn, we must make choices and then discipline ourselves to commit to those choices. If we are wise, we will not look for what is absolutely perfect, in the sense of giving every benefit without asking us to make any sacrifices. Such a scenario only exists in a fantasyland, or Heaven. If we are wise, we will choose what is “a good fit.”
A good fit is often right where we are, though not always. People who change careers and embrace their “good fit” the second time around can attest to this. After all, it takes time to know ourselves and what works and what doesn’t. Sometimes we really do need to make a change, and that change may require substantial sacrifice and even risk taking. But the key is always being active and testing our mental plans in reality. If we think a change might be for the best, what concrete steps are we taking to move towards it? As we make baby steps, do we sense an interior joy, peace, or improvement in our health and the healthiness of our relationships? These are signs that we are embracing our true nature instead of working against it, and going in the right direction.
This way of thinking—following your nature—is diametrically opposed to hardcore American dream existentialism. Existentialism as a philosophy asserts that we start with nothing and must create everything from scratch. I am only what I make of myself and therefore I can be anything. Will to power.
I’m not saying a person can’t choose the life path of will to power, only that it’s an exhausting and miserable way to live. Sure, you can go for it, but you’ll potentially self-destruct.
I believe that we start with something. We start with a natural temperament and skills and strengths. Our childhood circumstances have a profound effect on our worldview and our psyche is shaped in all kinds of ways that are incredibly challenging to change. Our subconscious self is barely accessible to us, but already deeply formed by adulthood. We simply do not have access to the same resources, financial or otherwise, as we embark on the journey of life. Why fight that? When life is short and resources are limited, why not embrace who we are? Why try to be someone else?
Some changes are worth making. It is always good to strive to be the healthiest version of ourselves. Perhaps we suffered some childhood trauma and we are in deep need of developing a new worldview and outgrowing wherever we come from. Maybe we were born into poverty and want to better our circumstances. In other words, there is a time and place for changing our trajectory. The goal is always to be the healthiest version of ourselves and bring the combination of nurture and nature that life has given us to its fullest potential.
To take it a step further, from a Catholic perspective, we can entrust the circumstances of our nature and nurturing to God’s Providence. We are all being shaped by God into a unique and unrepeatable saint. We are all created by God to participate in salvation history in our own way, through a combination of trials and blessings God has permitted. Happiness comes from freely embracing God’s providential plan and accepting the destiny He has willed. We can rest assured that our God-given destiny is the one that best honors our natural gifts and temperament because God has nothing but our ultimate joy in mind. We are also free to do something else. God doesn’t force us to accept His plans, just as He did not force Moses to lead Israel to freedom, or Mary to be the mother of Jesus. God never forces anything. Instead, he creates opportunities and extends an invitation.
We can choose a different path, but it won’t be the best one. God’s provision meets us along the path He has willed. For other paths, we’ll have to go it alone, so to speak. God designed us for a specific mission. His mission will challenge us because God loves to challenge us; He wants us to be great Saints, radiating wisdom, intelligence, and the full spectrum of virtues. However, God will ultimately provide us with everything we need to accomplish our mission. We can choose a mission of our own making, but it won’t be the mission we were created for. Guaranteed, we will be less or not at all successful at it. And, success must not be measured in mere temporal terms. If we choose our own way, we may be wealthy by worldly standards. But God wants us to be Saints. His way will not only consider our temporal potential, but also our spiritual one.
So, as we ponder our lives, we would do well to embrace what is a good fit. What are the circumstances and natural gifts that make one life path a good choice? How can we more fully embrace the nature God has given us and the resources He has planted in our lives? The more we can maximize these divine blessings, and stop chasing an identity God has not blessed, the more fruitful our lives will be.
Some changes are worth making. It is always good to strive to be the healthiest version of ourselves. Perhaps we suffered some childhood trauma and we are in deep need of developing a new worldview and outgrowing wherever we come from. Maybe we were born into poverty and want to better our circumstances. In other words, there is a time and place for changing our trajectory. The goal is always to be the healthiest version of ourselves and bring the combination of nurture and nature that life has given us to its fullest potential.
To take it a step further, from a Catholic perspective, we can entrust the circumstances of our nature and nurturing to God’s Providence. We are all being shaped by God into a unique and unrepeatable saint. We are all created by God to participate in salvation history in our own way, through a combination of trials and blessings God has permitted. Happiness comes from freely embracing God’s providential plan and accepting the destiny He has willed. We can rest assured that our God-given destiny is the one that best honors our natural gifts and temperament because God has nothing but our ultimate joy in mind. We are also free to do something else. God doesn’t force us to accept His plans, just as He did not force Moses to lead Israel to freedom, or Mary to be the mother of Jesus. God never forces anything. Instead, he creates opportunities and extends an invitation.
We can choose a different path, but it won’t be the best one. God’s provision meets us along the path He has willed. For other paths, we’ll have to go it alone, so to speak. God designed us for a specific mission. His mission will challenge us because God loves to challenge us; He wants us to be great Saints, radiating wisdom, intelligence, and the full spectrum of virtues. However, God will ultimately provide us with everything we need to accomplish our mission. We can choose a mission of our own making, but it won’t be the mission we were created for. Guaranteed, we will be less or not at all successful at it. And, success must not be measured in mere temporal terms. If we choose our own way, we may be wealthy by worldly standards. But God wants us to be Saints. His way will not only consider our temporal potential, but also our spiritual one.
So, as we ponder our lives, we would do well to embrace what is a good fit. What are the circumstances and natural gifts that make one life path a good choice? How can we more fully embrace the nature God has given us and the resources He has planted in our lives? The more we can maximize these divine blessings, and stop chasing an identity God has not blessed, the more fruitful our lives will be.
