A quest for truth started me on the path towards Catholicism. Along the way, I tried on different spiritual hats, ranging from Christian but not religious, to non-denominational Christian, to evangelical Christian. I also briefly pondered the logic of various Eastern religions.
The problem with each system is that it required me to be God by setting myself up as the arbiter of truth. That's like telling a sick person to do surgery on themselves.
Common obstacles in other traditions include:
1) Misty, foggy, mythical origins. You have to pick the origin story of choice. How do you know it's not just a story? Did you pick the right one?
2) Founded by a compelling, but ultimately human person. They may or may not have claimed to even speak for God. How do you know they got it right? Can they be trusted?
3) The religious tradition splits into a swarm of schools, traditions, factions. You have to pick the right one. Did you get it right?
4) Intellectually inconsistent, though perhaps "miraculous." Are you sure that sign and wonder isn't really the devil's work?
Only Catholicism was founded by God in the flesh. Only Catholicism has a stable, unified structure such that it can speak for God through time. Only Catholicism.
What kept me going and studying was that I wanted to get it right. Right in a way that was objective beyond myself.
When the soul deeply longs to submit itself whole and entire to God, safeguarded from the limitations and caprices of human nature, it can not help but fall in love with Catholicism. Only Catholicism allows the soul to surrender so totally, knowing that it surrenders to God, and not to man or self.
Monday, June 24, 2019
Meditation ~ I Converted to Catholicism the Moment I Thought This
A quest for truth started me on the path towards Catholicism. However, certain ideas had to intersect before conversion occurred. Once these ideas intersected, conversion was instantaneous. I basically became Catholic in the thought of one moment.
I might describe the momentous intersection of thoughts in the following way.
1) I am painfully aware of not having all the answers.
2) I really don't want to teach myself because I know how limited and ignorant I am. I want to be taught by good teachers who speak for God. I don't want teachers who speak from individual opinion or human tradition.
3) Protestantism is not satisfying because it requires mere man to interpret God's word. Who's interpretation is right? Not helpful.
4) Unless God reveals Himself and establishes a sure way whereby He can be known, all we can do is guess at who God is and what He wants. Starting to think the search is pointless.
5) Oh wait. Catholicism says God came in person and established a permanent teaching authority.
6) I literally became Catholic in that instant.
I might describe the momentous intersection of thoughts in the following way.
1) I am painfully aware of not having all the answers.
2) I really don't want to teach myself because I know how limited and ignorant I am. I want to be taught by good teachers who speak for God. I don't want teachers who speak from individual opinion or human tradition.
3) Protestantism is not satisfying because it requires mere man to interpret God's word. Who's interpretation is right? Not helpful.
4) Unless God reveals Himself and establishes a sure way whereby He can be known, all we can do is guess at who God is and what He wants. Starting to think the search is pointless.
5) Oh wait. Catholicism says God came in person and established a permanent teaching authority.
6) I literally became Catholic in that instant.
Sunday, June 23, 2019
Meditation ~ The Beauty of the Everyday Parish
I was born into a faith tradition that was much more "top down" and centralized. This had some upsides. Church buildings were built with pleasing uniformity. Catechesis was organized and normative across the board. The manuals and materials were all very professionally done. Everything was professional and quality.
In Catholicism, prevailing ideas of collegiality and subsidiarity mean that each Bishop's conference, diocese, and ultimately parish has lots more freedom in how they design their buildings, what catechetical materials they use, how they run their programs, etc. I was surprised by this at first. It seemed like a weakness. It seemed to create room for unevenness in policies and quality.
While unevenness in the negative sense can and does occur, I have since come to appreciate the beauty in this approach. It attests to the following concepts:
1) The necessity of relying on the one Spirit, dwelling in the Body of Christ. We are many, who drink from the same Spirit. Confident in this indwelling, we give each other the space to contribute in uniqueness and freedom to the Body of Christ. Decentralizing allows us to get out of the way so that the Spirit can work.
2) The Body of Christ per se. The point is not to all be the same, but to be respectively the hands, feet, eyes, etc. We are meant to contribute in different ways. Poor parishes are beautiful. Rich parishes are beautiful.
3) Our respect for nature. From this respect for nature, comes respect for the uniqueness of each culture and landscape the Church evangelizes. We want to preserve local culture as much as possible. We want parishes to grow organically, where the Spirit cultivates what is naturally there, not voiding it. We understand that the Spirit works in tandem with natural processes.
It feels good to walk into a Catholic parish. The feeling of holiness emanating from the Real Presence is there. At the same time, parishes feel "real." The carpets may be a bit worn. The statues and decorations may come from different time periods. Thing won't be perfectly "matching." The vibe isn't corporate. It appears that real people, with the limited resources they had, made the most beautiful worship space they could, over time.
This is important as a model for good living. We invite God into the concrete circumstances of everyday life. In fact, a keyword here is process. We respect the mundane, the limited circumstances, the everyday. We are patient with the "realness" of it all. Things don't have to be "perfect" before Jesus comes. We learn to see holiness in things as they are, not as they "should" be. "Catalogue land" ideas recede. Those ideas inevitably distort our relationship with reality, which is beautiful in its variety and imperfection.
In Catholicism, prevailing ideas of collegiality and subsidiarity mean that each Bishop's conference, diocese, and ultimately parish has lots more freedom in how they design their buildings, what catechetical materials they use, how they run their programs, etc. I was surprised by this at first. It seemed like a weakness. It seemed to create room for unevenness in policies and quality.
While unevenness in the negative sense can and does occur, I have since come to appreciate the beauty in this approach. It attests to the following concepts:
1) The necessity of relying on the one Spirit, dwelling in the Body of Christ. We are many, who drink from the same Spirit. Confident in this indwelling, we give each other the space to contribute in uniqueness and freedom to the Body of Christ. Decentralizing allows us to get out of the way so that the Spirit can work.
2) The Body of Christ per se. The point is not to all be the same, but to be respectively the hands, feet, eyes, etc. We are meant to contribute in different ways. Poor parishes are beautiful. Rich parishes are beautiful.
3) Our respect for nature. From this respect for nature, comes respect for the uniqueness of each culture and landscape the Church evangelizes. We want to preserve local culture as much as possible. We want parishes to grow organically, where the Spirit cultivates what is naturally there, not voiding it. We understand that the Spirit works in tandem with natural processes.
It feels good to walk into a Catholic parish. The feeling of holiness emanating from the Real Presence is there. At the same time, parishes feel "real." The carpets may be a bit worn. The statues and decorations may come from different time periods. Thing won't be perfectly "matching." The vibe isn't corporate. It appears that real people, with the limited resources they had, made the most beautiful worship space they could, over time.
This is important as a model for good living. We invite God into the concrete circumstances of everyday life. In fact, a keyword here is process. We respect the mundane, the limited circumstances, the everyday. We are patient with the "realness" of it all. Things don't have to be "perfect" before Jesus comes. We learn to see holiness in things as they are, not as they "should" be. "Catalogue land" ideas recede. Those ideas inevitably distort our relationship with reality, which is beautiful in its variety and imperfection.
Meditation ~ Jesus: Miraculous, Always Hidden
Today was the Feast of Corpus Christ. As to be expected, the priest discussed the miracle of the Real Presence in his homily. He emphasized the importance of consciously receiving Jesus when we receive Holy Communion.
While hearing this, seated in Church, I realized how perfect it all was. Jesus was appearing, and He was hard to see. Exactly. He was hard to see when He was baby, hard to see as a mere carpenter from Nazareth, hard to see as God on the cross. While Jesus did perform extraordinary miracles in His lifetime, most climactically His resurrection, there is still a significant sense in which His divinity was largely hidden to those around Him. Only the pure in heart could really see who He was. His life was the most significant event in all of world history, but it was largely missed by His contemporaries.
In the same way, God is always up to amazing things in our lives. Yet, His purposes and presence are often veiled to us. The mass helps to train our eyes to welcome the hidden, everyday Jesus in our midst.
While hearing this, seated in Church, I realized how perfect it all was. Jesus was appearing, and He was hard to see. Exactly. He was hard to see when He was baby, hard to see as a mere carpenter from Nazareth, hard to see as God on the cross. While Jesus did perform extraordinary miracles in His lifetime, most climactically His resurrection, there is still a significant sense in which His divinity was largely hidden to those around Him. Only the pure in heart could really see who He was. His life was the most significant event in all of world history, but it was largely missed by His contemporaries.
In the same way, God is always up to amazing things in our lives. Yet, His purposes and presence are often veiled to us. The mass helps to train our eyes to welcome the hidden, everyday Jesus in our midst.
Saturday, June 22, 2019
Meditation ~ Natural Impressions
Nature proclaims the following ideas. You could say that it does so with much more force than speaking or writing about these ideas. Nature is. It lives these ideas. It makes the following ideas real. From a walk along the Pacific Ocean today....
1) Misty sea breezes, tidal froth, shimmering sands... BEAUTY
2) Inevitable pounding, cresting, and breaking of the waves... PERMANENCE
3) Tidal schedules, gravitational pulls... ORDER
4) Human lungs breath in the salt-fresh, grass fragrant air, deeply... LIFE
5) Cormorants, seagulls, dolphins, sharks, surfers, all playing in the same waves... COEXISTENCE
6) Your own delight beholding all of it... JOY
For those times when you wonder about those things, step outside.
Poem ~ Catherine Keep Your Wheel
Inspired by Raphael's "Catherine of Alexandria"
Catherine, keep your wheel
A family rippling through time
Watches, steel from steel
Catherine, keep your wheel.
Everything will be fine
Every wound will heal
The children watch for signs.
The soul they can not kill
God's inscrutable design
The joy that you will feel
Catherine, keep your wheel.
A family rippling through time
Watches, steel from steel
Catherine, keep your wheel.
Everything will be fine
Every wound will heal
The children watch for signs.
The soul they can not kill
God's inscrutable design
The joy that you will feel
Catherine, keep your wheel.
Tuesday, June 18, 2019
Meditation ~ "Everything I have is yours"
It is noteworthy that when the father gently chides the brother of the prodigal son for his pouting, he does not rebuke him for wanting good things for himself. Instead, he reminds the brother that everything of the fathers, is already his! He's basically saying, "you're already rich. Why the long face?"
From this response, we can learn that God indeed wants us to desire to be happy. Sometimes, we think we would be "better" or "more holy" if we cared less about our own fulfillment. Holiness is too often presented as, "stop caring about your own happiness. Focus instead on other people and making them happy."
There is a sense in which this true. Selfishness is a fundamental obstacle and sometimes, to do right by someone else, we have to push through our own negative emotions and focus on their well being instead of ours.
This mindset works as long as we don't lose sight of the big picture. Trinitarian eternal life is all about joy and happiness. It's about God fulfilling our deepest desires in Himself. Fundamentally, the gospel is not about self-denial. Self-denial is a means to an end, not an end in itself. Self-denial is where we die to what is not eternal, what is not love, in us. Self-denial involves shedding that which is an obstacle to our happiness.
We know we're tasting Eternal Life, even now, when holiness is experienced as an end in itself and we delight in our relationship with God, knowing that our deepest desires are satisfied. We are not waiting for an additional "reward" or trade-off for our obedience. There are no strings attached. God indwells us and that is enough for us.
If we can reach that point, we will understand the father's comment. For him to throw a party for the returned prodigal was nothing in comparison to the riches of dwelling in his company, and already living in his house. The same is true for us. We are already rich. Do we experience this richness on a daily basis? When people who do not keep the commandments are blessed with marriage, children, successful careers, nice homes, vacations, and otherwise nice lives, do we have a sneaking resentment? Or do we remember that we already possess what is of infinite value?
From this response, we can learn that God indeed wants us to desire to be happy. Sometimes, we think we would be "better" or "more holy" if we cared less about our own fulfillment. Holiness is too often presented as, "stop caring about your own happiness. Focus instead on other people and making them happy."
There is a sense in which this true. Selfishness is a fundamental obstacle and sometimes, to do right by someone else, we have to push through our own negative emotions and focus on their well being instead of ours.
This mindset works as long as we don't lose sight of the big picture. Trinitarian eternal life is all about joy and happiness. It's about God fulfilling our deepest desires in Himself. Fundamentally, the gospel is not about self-denial. Self-denial is a means to an end, not an end in itself. Self-denial is where we die to what is not eternal, what is not love, in us. Self-denial involves shedding that which is an obstacle to our happiness.
We know we're tasting Eternal Life, even now, when holiness is experienced as an end in itself and we delight in our relationship with God, knowing that our deepest desires are satisfied. We are not waiting for an additional "reward" or trade-off for our obedience. There are no strings attached. God indwells us and that is enough for us.
If we can reach that point, we will understand the father's comment. For him to throw a party for the returned prodigal was nothing in comparison to the riches of dwelling in his company, and already living in his house. The same is true for us. We are already rich. Do we experience this richness on a daily basis? When people who do not keep the commandments are blessed with marriage, children, successful careers, nice homes, vacations, and otherwise nice lives, do we have a sneaking resentment? Or do we remember that we already possess what is of infinite value?
Meditation ~ Giving All to Receive All
The gospel of Christ is filled with many paradoxes, perhaps the most fundamental being "give all to receive all," or "lose your life to find it."
The sacrament of matrimony--and our nuptial union with God ultimately--puts this mysterious exchange on display.
We have all seen couples who live under the same roof, share the same bed, have children, go on vacations together, etc. and yet are not meaningfully "one flesh." Insofar as either or both parties "withhold" love by trying to maintain a sinful measure of control or independence, they remain separate...two persons, not one. The mysterious Biblical image of "one flesh" is not achieved.
In order for the two to become one, they must make a radical gift of self to the other. Apart from sacrifice, vulnerability, and interdependence, no meaningful mutuality is achieved. Yet, unless they go "all in," there is no real love. The couple can only be disappointed by the lack of intimacy.
The same is true in our relationship with God. We must go "all in" to commune with him fully. We are to go "all in" with him even more totally than with our spouses, for we are created for Him in the total and absolute sense. While it is God's will that we give our spouses a huge part of ourselves, it is His will that we give Him all of ourselves.
As long as we hold back, our souls will remain existentially single and lonely.
The sacrament of matrimony--and our nuptial union with God ultimately--puts this mysterious exchange on display.
We have all seen couples who live under the same roof, share the same bed, have children, go on vacations together, etc. and yet are not meaningfully "one flesh." Insofar as either or both parties "withhold" love by trying to maintain a sinful measure of control or independence, they remain separate...two persons, not one. The mysterious Biblical image of "one flesh" is not achieved.
In order for the two to become one, they must make a radical gift of self to the other. Apart from sacrifice, vulnerability, and interdependence, no meaningful mutuality is achieved. Yet, unless they go "all in," there is no real love. The couple can only be disappointed by the lack of intimacy.
The same is true in our relationship with God. We must go "all in" to commune with him fully. We are to go "all in" with him even more totally than with our spouses, for we are created for Him in the total and absolute sense. While it is God's will that we give our spouses a huge part of ourselves, it is His will that we give Him all of ourselves.
As long as we hold back, our souls will remain existentially single and lonely.
Meditation ~ The Joy of Detachment
When I first learned about the Catholic concept of "detachment," I saw it only in terms of God purging us of selfishness.
Of course, selfishness is a huge obstacle to our being happy and living the divine law. Indeed, this is an important reason why we need suffering (and detachment).
However, the idea of God being one's all-in-all, no longer has the bleak overtones it once used to. I now understand that only by delighting in God as one's all-in-all, is a spousal union with God achieved. This spousal union is our soul's deepest desire.
Insofar as we elevate other things above God, our spousal union with Him is hindered. I think of married couples who share the same roof over their heads, but are not truly "one flesh." Their relationship lacks a meaningful sense of two-becoming-one, a one-ness which is only achieved by radical self-gift.
It is the same with God.
We will only achieve a deep, "one flesh" union with Him when we relate to Him in a radical, self-giving, spousal way.
This leads us to the gospel paradox of losing all to find all.
Of course, selfishness is a huge obstacle to our being happy and living the divine law. Indeed, this is an important reason why we need suffering (and detachment).
However, the idea of God being one's all-in-all, no longer has the bleak overtones it once used to. I now understand that only by delighting in God as one's all-in-all, is a spousal union with God achieved. This spousal union is our soul's deepest desire.
Insofar as we elevate other things above God, our spousal union with Him is hindered. I think of married couples who share the same roof over their heads, but are not truly "one flesh." Their relationship lacks a meaningful sense of two-becoming-one, a one-ness which is only achieved by radical self-gift.
It is the same with God.
We will only achieve a deep, "one flesh" union with Him when we relate to Him in a radical, self-giving, spousal way.
This leads us to the gospel paradox of losing all to find all.
Monday, June 17, 2019
Meditation ~ The Trinity and Sexuality
Perhaps one of the saddest and most damaging things Christians can do is think about sex in a joyless, Manichean/Puritanical way. That's because in a privileged sense, sex was created by God to image the intimacy and joy of Triune love. Above all, sex imparts the following idea: the most superlative pleasure is not one I can "give" myself. I need someone else.
I need someone else.
As sinners, we resist that truth with all we've got. We live on a solitary mountain where we can feel in control, accumulate in an unfettered way, and not have to part with what we'd rather keep. Other people are a threat. They can only "take" from us. They can only rob us of time and other resources. Or they can outshine or outperform us.
As sinners, we like to to be social, but in a spirit of accumulation. We like to accumulate company or the status of being social.
Trinitarian life is very different. It is not people "for me." People are not things I accumulate. Neither do I allow them to accumulate or control me. Rather, there is "sum is greater than the parts" phenomenon. Somehow, "we" is greater than what we can be on our own. I give sacrificially to the other, they give sacrificially to me. I admit my need for them, them for me. In a real and substantial way, we are coexistent and meant for each other. Our existence is truly mutual. This is Trinitarian.
Sex proclaims this. I can't have fulfilling sex by myself. I need someone else.
By extension, marriage also proclaims this. I can't marry myself. I need a husband.
If we uphold sex as being superlatively joyful and meaningful--and the marital union that sustains it--we will understand that the most blessed state in life is one of mutuality.
This value of mutuality will filter into our other relationships, friendship, professional, and so on. From the mutuality of marriage and sexuality, flows a worldview of mutuality. A worldview of coming out of our alienated, isolated existences. We exist in a meaningful way for others, and them for us. In being marriage minded, we become Trinitarian minded. The joys of sexuality are meant to spark a desire in us to think and live in a Trinitarian way.
I need someone else.
As sinners, we resist that truth with all we've got. We live on a solitary mountain where we can feel in control, accumulate in an unfettered way, and not have to part with what we'd rather keep. Other people are a threat. They can only "take" from us. They can only rob us of time and other resources. Or they can outshine or outperform us.
As sinners, we like to to be social, but in a spirit of accumulation. We like to accumulate company or the status of being social.
Trinitarian life is very different. It is not people "for me." People are not things I accumulate. Neither do I allow them to accumulate or control me. Rather, there is "sum is greater than the parts" phenomenon. Somehow, "we" is greater than what we can be on our own. I give sacrificially to the other, they give sacrificially to me. I admit my need for them, them for me. In a real and substantial way, we are coexistent and meant for each other. Our existence is truly mutual. This is Trinitarian.
Sex proclaims this. I can't have fulfilling sex by myself. I need someone else.
By extension, marriage also proclaims this. I can't marry myself. I need a husband.
If we uphold sex as being superlatively joyful and meaningful--and the marital union that sustains it--we will understand that the most blessed state in life is one of mutuality.
This value of mutuality will filter into our other relationships, friendship, professional, and so on. From the mutuality of marriage and sexuality, flows a worldview of mutuality. A worldview of coming out of our alienated, isolated existences. We exist in a meaningful way for others, and them for us. In being marriage minded, we become Trinitarian minded. The joys of sexuality are meant to spark a desire in us to think and live in a Trinitarian way.
Meditation ~ The Eucharistic Christ in Me
Since I can't fully, consciously "understand" the Trinity, God's will, and the "how" of Trinitarian life, it follows that something apart from conscious understanding will be needed to form that "lifeline" between myself and God.
In other words, if I have to consciously "know" everything about God and His will, it will be impossible for me to follow Him. If I have to "know" before I can "do," then I'm at a dead end.
If I'm honest with myself, much of the time, I have no idea what God is up to. There have been so many twists and turns in my life, I have seen the profound limitations in "knowing."
So, do we just bumble about and miraculously God accomplishes His purposes? I guess God could work that way, but Catholicism invites us to entertain a more meaningful and surprising possibility. It has to do with this idea of being "in" Christ.
Christ indwells me and this sanctifies my thinking, desires, instincts, intuition, etc. In a mysterious way, Christ really does live in me. The Eucharist helps us to envision how this might happen. After all, from a biological perspective, we become like the food we eat. If we feed on Christ, do we not become Christ in an organic sense?
If I want Christ to guide my life, I must have faith that He indwells me. Then, I must live! I must trust that He is with me in my acting, desiring, thinking, feeling.
He is so near to us that we can rightly say through Him, with Him, and in Him. Christ is not an idea, or a distant spiritual friend. He is alive in me. He lives through me in a sense, and more fundamentally I live through Him.
In other words, if I have to consciously "know" everything about God and His will, it will be impossible for me to follow Him. If I have to "know" before I can "do," then I'm at a dead end.
If I'm honest with myself, much of the time, I have no idea what God is up to. There have been so many twists and turns in my life, I have seen the profound limitations in "knowing."
So, do we just bumble about and miraculously God accomplishes His purposes? I guess God could work that way, but Catholicism invites us to entertain a more meaningful and surprising possibility. It has to do with this idea of being "in" Christ.
Christ indwells me and this sanctifies my thinking, desires, instincts, intuition, etc. In a mysterious way, Christ really does live in me. The Eucharist helps us to envision how this might happen. After all, from a biological perspective, we become like the food we eat. If we feed on Christ, do we not become Christ in an organic sense?
If I want Christ to guide my life, I must have faith that He indwells me. Then, I must live! I must trust that He is with me in my acting, desiring, thinking, feeling.
He is so near to us that we can rightly say through Him, with Him, and in Him. Christ is not an idea, or a distant spiritual friend. He is alive in me. He lives through me in a sense, and more fundamentally I live through Him.
Sunday, June 16, 2019
Meditation ~ Why God Must Remain a Mystery
Only when I understand God as mystery can I let Him lead.
Only when I understand God as mystery can I truly depend on Him and remain open to what I do not yet understand.
If God is not mysterious, and His plans are not mysterious, then I will lead.
I will lead by trying to live from a place of total "knowing" and "understanding."
Inevitably, I will get it wrong.
The indwelling of the Holy Spirit makes my dependency on God possible, for I am "yoked" to Christ. If I were not yoked to Christ, then I would be lost at sea in my unknowing. Yet, sacramentally bound to Christ, Christ can move forward and I can follow, even when I don't understand. God has ways of guiding me and getting me "from A to B" without my conscious understanding participating in His plans, at least at an executive level of comprehension.
Praise God! Praise God in His mysterious, Triune nature.
Meditation ~ The New Covenant as Desire Restored
In the New Covenant, God reveals the Holy Spirit to us. In doing so, he reveals a happiness to us that is superlative such that we can obey Him from our desires, not mere willpower.
Willpower can only get us so far, since the point of it is suppression. I push through my negative emotions and do, or do not do, something. Yet, we were given a desire to be perfectly happy by God Himself. This desire was meant to be fulfilled, not suppressed. Religion that only provides a list of prohibitions, "thou shalt nots" will never win over the whole man. Man must be won over in his heart, at the core of his desires.
When our hearts are open to receiving the Spirit and recognize definitive happiness in our communion with the Holy Trinity, we are delivered from the worst kind of bondage. As Christians we should rejoice as did the Israelites of old when God parted the Red Sea. In revealing Himself, and whetting our appetites for Himself, God delivers us from sin at its root: corrupted desires.
Willpower can only get us so far, since the point of it is suppression. I push through my negative emotions and do, or do not do, something. Yet, we were given a desire to be perfectly happy by God Himself. This desire was meant to be fulfilled, not suppressed. Religion that only provides a list of prohibitions, "thou shalt nots" will never win over the whole man. Man must be won over in his heart, at the core of his desires.
When our hearts are open to receiving the Spirit and recognize definitive happiness in our communion with the Holy Trinity, we are delivered from the worst kind of bondage. As Christians we should rejoice as did the Israelites of old when God parted the Red Sea. In revealing Himself, and whetting our appetites for Himself, God delivers us from sin at its root: corrupted desires.
Thursday, June 13, 2019
Poem ~ On Raphael’s The Marriage of the Virgin
On Raphael’s The Marriage of the Virgin
Behold! the vast and ordered stone expanse
The golden air is free to breath and quiet
Their movement unimpeded forth and back
The mind, the eye, the heart, united.
She offers him her hand, he holds the ring
The ladies on the left, men on the right
From hills and mists the angel voices sing
The priest is godly oversight.
I seek the paths of marble symmetry
I cut the rocks in pain and lay the stones
The piazza is in ruins, brick by brick
Rebuild from rubble until done
And I can think and move and live in peace
On a hilltop town within a masterpiece.Wednesday, June 12, 2019
Meditation ~ Jesus as the Means to Relational Living
I've been pondering the "Canticle of Canticles," in light of the traditional interpretation (love between God and His people).
I'm beginning to see that unless I understand my undertakings and desires as finding their fulfillment in Jesus, nothing but existential loneliness can set in. The reason is because only a Christ-centered worldview orients all things towards a fulfilling, definite relationship, verses the self.
For example....
Let's say one pursues as an ultimate end, "do what makes you happy." There's nothing wrong with being happy, but the problem here is defining ultimate happiness as how I in my individuality feel, apart from communion with others. Sure, I could pursue a relationship because it makes me happy. However, the relationship would be a mere means to an end. I would be pursuing that person just so that they can give me an emotional high. They wouldn't have value in and of themselves. Thus, I would remain stuck on my existential island, only capable of enjoying relationships based on how they make me feel.
Or, "fulfill your potential." How this can lead to loneliness is more obvious. I would spend my life trying to climb that mountain of success, (artistic, business, political, religious), only to find that it's lonely at the top.
My own quest to know God has been time consuming and costly. It hasn't always made me "happy" in the typically sense of the word. However, there is a deep drive to be united with God, to know Him, for His own sake. I find that I'm willing to put happiness on hold for a time, in order to know God first. Knowing God--restoring a relationship--is what matters.
My deepest sorrows have come from feeling alienated, from experiencing damaged relationships.
What emerges is an awareness that my souls deepest desire is to be meaningfully connected to God and neighbor, with happiness a second to that, yet hinging on it in the ultimate sense. It is a desire to, in a fundamental way, love and be loved in return.
It might appear that just "getting social" and philanthropic would be the answer. However, we all know that just being with other people doesn't solve our loneliness. It's possible to very social and feel lonely in one's relationships. People are so vastly imperfect.
This is where we need Jesus.
We need to understand that there is someone who can and will, and wants to, fulfill our deepest relational needs. We also need the realistic expectations that the Biblical narrative brings. Human beings are meant to play a role in helping us to experience and understand our definitive relationship with Jesus in Heaven. Our spouses, family, friends, children, acquaintances, coworkers, collectively, make concrete for us the various facets of love (agape, eros, storge, philia, etc.) Neither are people mere means to ends. We will love other people in Heaven, too. It's just that people can never "put it all together" and "be all" to us relationally, the way Jesus can.
When I understand music as a means to knowing and loving Jesus, I can be thankful and appreciative of my abilities. I can appreciate how my music education has helped me to contemplate and value truth, goodness, and beauty. However, when I understand music in terms of "do what makes you happy" or "fulfill your potential," I experience only frustration. Music doesn't always make me happy (it's hard). I wouldn't say I've "fulfilled my potential" (no Top 40 hit yet). Yet, has music taught me to sacrifice for something I love? Has it taught me discipline? Has it cultivated joy and desire? Insofar as it has done those things, it has helped me to learn how to live relationally, and that's all that matters in the ultimate sense.
We need an orientation that gets us focusing on relationships: most importantly with God, and from that, with others.
We must walk away from slogans for life that sound good, but leave us isolated and turned in on ourselves:
1) happiness for it's own sake, apart from meaningful communion with others
and
2) individual fulfillment for its own sake.
Note, "for its own sake."
What is the orientation that rightly puts it all together? For the sake of the Lord. To know and love the Lord, and commune deeply with Him, and the whole Body of Christ.
I'm beginning to see that unless I understand my undertakings and desires as finding their fulfillment in Jesus, nothing but existential loneliness can set in. The reason is because only a Christ-centered worldview orients all things towards a fulfilling, definite relationship, verses the self.
For example....
Let's say one pursues as an ultimate end, "do what makes you happy." There's nothing wrong with being happy, but the problem here is defining ultimate happiness as how I in my individuality feel, apart from communion with others. Sure, I could pursue a relationship because it makes me happy. However, the relationship would be a mere means to an end. I would be pursuing that person just so that they can give me an emotional high. They wouldn't have value in and of themselves. Thus, I would remain stuck on my existential island, only capable of enjoying relationships based on how they make me feel.
Or, "fulfill your potential." How this can lead to loneliness is more obvious. I would spend my life trying to climb that mountain of success, (artistic, business, political, religious), only to find that it's lonely at the top.
My own quest to know God has been time consuming and costly. It hasn't always made me "happy" in the typically sense of the word. However, there is a deep drive to be united with God, to know Him, for His own sake. I find that I'm willing to put happiness on hold for a time, in order to know God first. Knowing God--restoring a relationship--is what matters.
My deepest sorrows have come from feeling alienated, from experiencing damaged relationships.
What emerges is an awareness that my souls deepest desire is to be meaningfully connected to God and neighbor, with happiness a second to that, yet hinging on it in the ultimate sense. It is a desire to, in a fundamental way, love and be loved in return.
It might appear that just "getting social" and philanthropic would be the answer. However, we all know that just being with other people doesn't solve our loneliness. It's possible to very social and feel lonely in one's relationships. People are so vastly imperfect.
This is where we need Jesus.
We need to understand that there is someone who can and will, and wants to, fulfill our deepest relational needs. We also need the realistic expectations that the Biblical narrative brings. Human beings are meant to play a role in helping us to experience and understand our definitive relationship with Jesus in Heaven. Our spouses, family, friends, children, acquaintances, coworkers, collectively, make concrete for us the various facets of love (agape, eros, storge, philia, etc.) Neither are people mere means to ends. We will love other people in Heaven, too. It's just that people can never "put it all together" and "be all" to us relationally, the way Jesus can.
When I understand music as a means to knowing and loving Jesus, I can be thankful and appreciative of my abilities. I can appreciate how my music education has helped me to contemplate and value truth, goodness, and beauty. However, when I understand music in terms of "do what makes you happy" or "fulfill your potential," I experience only frustration. Music doesn't always make me happy (it's hard). I wouldn't say I've "fulfilled my potential" (no Top 40 hit yet). Yet, has music taught me to sacrifice for something I love? Has it taught me discipline? Has it cultivated joy and desire? Insofar as it has done those things, it has helped me to learn how to live relationally, and that's all that matters in the ultimate sense.
We need an orientation that gets us focusing on relationships: most importantly with God, and from that, with others.
We must walk away from slogans for life that sound good, but leave us isolated and turned in on ourselves:
1) happiness for it's own sake, apart from meaningful communion with others
and
2) individual fulfillment for its own sake.
Note, "for its own sake."
What is the orientation that rightly puts it all together? For the sake of the Lord. To know and love the Lord, and commune deeply with Him, and the whole Body of Christ.
Friday, June 7, 2019
Meditation ~ The Cross as Means to Eternal Life NOW
We all have a way we want to be, a life we want to experience....
Maybe we've come far enough to let go of career or relationship expectations, etc. All we want to do is to "be happy."
Yet, from my experience that is the most evasive thing of all. To truly "be" in the moment and experience it with others. To truly love yourself, God, and others, and be at peace. This is the hardest thing.
I think this elusive "in-the-moment-ness" is the "eternal life" of which the scriptures speak. As we know, eternal life refers not only to duration, but quality.
Like God and the beatific vision, "eternal life" is indescribable and we can only speak of it analogously. It's like spending time with someone you love, who also loves you. It's the excitement of learning something new, of going on an adventure. It's the feeling of sunshine. It's a quality of living that is deeply connected.
We try to describe it, yet no one analogy can ever capture it all. Through a collage of analogies we get closer. Though, ultimately, "eternal life" is something we experience and can not fully describe because God is infinite and our language is limited.
The way to eternal life is not snapping into a happy attitude. It isn't PMA. Too often, that' what we think it is. Then, we berate ourselves for not being "positive" and "thankful" enough. Or we think that if we could just be "more organized," or if a particular circumstance would change, then we'd experience it. Yet, it is impossible to "organize," "think," our "emote" our way to eternal life. Ultimately, eternal life is a quality of life that can only be received. It is not natural, it is supernatural. Only God can give it. Thankfully, He wants to, and does!
It is, in fact, sanctifying grace.
We only get it one way: through baptism. Ordinarily, a water baptism.
If you were not born Catholic, as I was not, how many spiritual (and life) miles did you have to traverse before darkening the door of a Catholic church?
How many disappointments did you weather? What betrayals convicted you of the reality of sin and the frailty of human beings? How many times did you have to fail before you saw your own sinfulness and ignorance? How many avenues scientific, economic, artistic, social did you traverse before suspecting that your hearts desire was not of this world?
It's not easy accepting the truth about ourselves: we are sinners in desperate need of grace.
Yet, receiving the healing and joy we long for is conditioned upon our approaching God on His terms.
He wants to restore His relationship with us, first. Healing second.
Maybe we've come far enough to let go of career or relationship expectations, etc. All we want to do is to "be happy."
Yet, from my experience that is the most evasive thing of all. To truly "be" in the moment and experience it with others. To truly love yourself, God, and others, and be at peace. This is the hardest thing.
I think this elusive "in-the-moment-ness" is the "eternal life" of which the scriptures speak. As we know, eternal life refers not only to duration, but quality.
Like God and the beatific vision, "eternal life" is indescribable and we can only speak of it analogously. It's like spending time with someone you love, who also loves you. It's the excitement of learning something new, of going on an adventure. It's the feeling of sunshine. It's a quality of living that is deeply connected.
We try to describe it, yet no one analogy can ever capture it all. Through a collage of analogies we get closer. Though, ultimately, "eternal life" is something we experience and can not fully describe because God is infinite and our language is limited.
The way to eternal life is not snapping into a happy attitude. It isn't PMA. Too often, that' what we think it is. Then, we berate ourselves for not being "positive" and "thankful" enough. Or we think that if we could just be "more organized," or if a particular circumstance would change, then we'd experience it. Yet, it is impossible to "organize," "think," our "emote" our way to eternal life. Ultimately, eternal life is a quality of life that can only be received. It is not natural, it is supernatural. Only God can give it. Thankfully, He wants to, and does!
It is, in fact, sanctifying grace.
We only get it one way: through baptism. Ordinarily, a water baptism.
If you were not born Catholic, as I was not, how many spiritual (and life) miles did you have to traverse before darkening the door of a Catholic church?
How many disappointments did you weather? What betrayals convicted you of the reality of sin and the frailty of human beings? How many times did you have to fail before you saw your own sinfulness and ignorance? How many avenues scientific, economic, artistic, social did you traverse before suspecting that your hearts desire was not of this world?
It's not easy accepting the truth about ourselves: we are sinners in desperate need of grace.
Yet, receiving the healing and joy we long for is conditioned upon our approaching God on His terms.
He wants to restore His relationship with us, first. Healing second.
Thursday, June 6, 2019
Theological ~ The Two Intersecting Paths of Eros and Agape
Per Pope Benedict XVI's "Deus Caritas Est," the two primary facets of love (eros/agape), are made for each other.
Here, additional thoughts on their ultimate unity, particularly in the light of many "paths to holiness."
"Paths to holiness".....
The idea that if we undertake anything and truly strive to do it well, we will ultimately find and know God in the process, for only in our relationship with Him can we succeed at and understand the various undertakings of life.
Let's say we start out on the path of eros, and truly seek to satisfy our desires. This is the path of nature, the gentile, the Greek (in New Testament language). After some exploration, we will come to recognize deeper, inexplicable desires that transcend our known, temporal existence. Pursuing these will likely require sacrifice. The choice to pursue will be ours. We may look to "religious" people for inspiration.
Or, we could start out on the path of agape. Traditionally, this is the path of religion and self-denial. We will discover that doing the will of God involves living life well. We can't "skip" nature, though we may try to in a spirit of misguided piety. No, we must grow in natural virtue. We must cultivate those desires that connect us meaningfully to creation, whom we are called to love and serve. We may look to "the gentile" for inspiration.
No matter where we start out in life and what life path we choose, to live well, we will need to mature in the fullness of truth, which is love. We will need to mature in both eros and agape.
Tuesday, June 4, 2019
Meditation ~ The Value of Enculturation
I've been drawn to fill up my head with Catholic customs, stories of the Saints, art, Bible stories, history, theology and philosophy over the past few years. It sometimes feels like a quest to become a Catholic encyclopedia.....
I've wondered sometimes if it's really beneficial, beyond being an enjoyable pastime. Can all the information actually help me grow in charity?
Thoughts on this, with my answer being yes.
The natural and supernatural virtues we are summoned to live out, are abstract. Yet, as human beings, the abstract must become concrete to be understood and lived out. Culture is the concrete expression of abstract values. Through the stories, lifestyles, relationships, customs, etc. that define a culture, we "live out" in bodily terms, our values.
From this standpoint, culture is essential. A Catholic wanting to think and live in a Catholic way, will need to benefit from Catholic culture.
Catholic culture is the positive answer to the prohibitions of religion. As Catholics, we rightly understand the need for prohibitions and limits. Nevertheless, a life does not consist in not doing. The pressing and interesting question is what do we do?
Catholic culture is there to fill up our lives and minds with "positives." For every secular custom or art form we reject, we can replace it with a Catholic one. We must do this, because as human beings, our lives must be full and active. When we say to our kids, "don't do this," we need to replace it with something good from our own culture. If we don't have a Catholic way of doing/thinking, it will be replaced with a secular way of doing/thinking. For human beings are always doing/thinking.
I've wondered sometimes if it's really beneficial, beyond being an enjoyable pastime. Can all the information actually help me grow in charity?
Thoughts on this, with my answer being yes.
The natural and supernatural virtues we are summoned to live out, are abstract. Yet, as human beings, the abstract must become concrete to be understood and lived out. Culture is the concrete expression of abstract values. Through the stories, lifestyles, relationships, customs, etc. that define a culture, we "live out" in bodily terms, our values.
From this standpoint, culture is essential. A Catholic wanting to think and live in a Catholic way, will need to benefit from Catholic culture.
Catholic culture is the positive answer to the prohibitions of religion. As Catholics, we rightly understand the need for prohibitions and limits. Nevertheless, a life does not consist in not doing. The pressing and interesting question is what do we do?
Catholic culture is there to fill up our lives and minds with "positives." For every secular custom or art form we reject, we can replace it with a Catholic one. We must do this, because as human beings, our lives must be full and active. When we say to our kids, "don't do this," we need to replace it with something good from our own culture. If we don't have a Catholic way of doing/thinking, it will be replaced with a secular way of doing/thinking. For human beings are always doing/thinking.
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