Theological ~ Conversion and Sanctification

Conversion begins with an awareness of many things: life is worth living well, and that there is something exciting to discover and do; the existence of "right" and "wrong," and accountability towards a higher power; the draw of deep desires and wanting to be definitively happy; the presence of fears, insecurities, and pain which make existence burdensome.

A lively awareness of all of these things is like the planting of the seeds. Potentiality is created and movement towards God can begin.

The awareness that all of these things converge one way or another in the God of the Bible and the Catholic Church is the essence of conversion. In the process of conversion, which culminates in baptism, we bring our lives to God and say, "okay, set this right."

Sanctification is the total healing. It's the thrill of watching desires that used to seem antagonistic make peace with each other. That way, the soul can stop being at odds with itself. Before sanctification, life looks something like this:

A life of highs and lows. Moments of great inspiration where you feel God is tugging on you, but then life. You feel split between the need to "follow your dreams" and do your duty towards society. The mundane of life becomes burdensome but seems inescapable. Your personal dysfunction becomes inescapable. You know there is "more" to life, and wonder where and if you took a wrong turn. Maybe that person has it figured out. You don't know how to not compete with them. Obviously, you're not one of those amazing, enlightened people. Maybe you could be if you just willed the self-confidence and worked hard enough. So then you start working really hard, pursing that dream that will make it all worth it, only to find yourself exhausted and unfulfilled (regardless of whether or not you achieved it). You may sense a desire to be self-sacrificial, to not live for yourself. But you have bills to pay and you do need to live and care for yourself, so what would that look like? Meanwhile life keeps coming at you, and you have to make big decisions. Even little decisions are big decisions. What is the wise way to allocate energy? time? money? vote? Stay in this relationship or not? Stay in this career path or not? At best you think about it and then "follow your heart" but that starts to feel like a stab in the dark. You want answers and you don't have them.

Sanctification resolves all of these tensions. We learn to locate our deepest desires and their fulfillment in God Himself. This frees us up from absolute dependency on anyone or anything contingent. God heals us of the sin that irrationally divides us from others and ourselves. We make peace with suffering because we know that patiently enduring it and offering it up is how we make an offering of our lives to God and neighbor and die to sin. God gives us a specific niche and purpose (vocation!) and we learn to find joy in living within those boundaries. He teaches us the proper time and place for everything good. Within the boundaries of our little lives, we are filled with the Spirit of God dwelling in our hearts as a tabernacle. Life takes on a quality of connectedness and purposefulness. We see beauty in the messes and in the process because we know God wills them for our sanctification. We have the peace of mind of doing and being what God wills. We learn to delight in the diversity of the Mystical Body and enjoy the gifts we and others bring to the whole. We learn that love isn't you over me or me over you, but a Trinitarian "coming together." We taste the good life and know how to cultivate it and abide in it. We encounter the transcendent in the Mass. We experience the unspeakable gift of the Eucharist. We know we have "found it."